Eighteen & Malaysian
What is happening to us?
Thursday, 31 August 2017 @ 05:07
Elle Fanning, sad, and tears image

I don't know who could i talk to. The person that i've trusted couldn't be there for me. I am lost with this kind of situation. I feel like i wanted to kill myself because of this pain, its hurting me. My family now is in a mess. I don't what should i do to fix or help or anything. Being a good daughter and make my parents proud is no longer work anymore. Well, my mom probably will be proud of me if i did something that made her happy. But my dad? I'm not sure about that. 

So my dad & i used to be soooooo close. Sampai my sisters semua jealous. Because my dad will buy anything for me. We used to go to anywhere when its holiday. Like my dad will never let his children gettin' bored at home because he's bored too. So he'll take us to anywhere that'll make us happy & also make my mom happy. But now he's changed. I have no idea what makes him turned into this new him. I feel like that i never knew him like he's a new person to me. Like we just met. And he also acted like he didn't know what should he do to his family. Like what he must do. 

Sampai at one place, i feel like i wish i never had a dad. Because i'm ashamed with my friends. Their dad, like they made their family happy like my dad used to do. My family is not happy anymore. I want my old father back. So this thing been happening since the last 2 years. But this year, things gettin worse. I can see that my mom is really hurting. And me too. It hurts so much seeing my parents like that. My dad is not being himself. Idk. He is seriously not being himself. He sometimes acted like a crazy person. Like i said earlier, he's not being himself. When he did something not right, we all tegur then he trigged like he couldn't accept at all. He's not like that dulu. I'm so sad right now. 

I also sometimes wish that my parents should just separate. Like that's the best way. Then, each of them will figure out that they could live together again, or not. 

I really miss him. Remembering those moments when me and my dad were happy when he treated me like i'm his princess really tears me up. I miss that kind of feeling. I miss being loved by someone called a father. 

This is the only place i could share. Because nobody knows my blog. I'm sorry for sharing my personal things in here.