Tuesday, 11 October 2016 @ 08:28
I broke up with my boyfriend because the truth is i am not 100% moved on from my ex, im sorry. I lied. The reason i lied to people about i moved on is because actually i really really wants to get over my ex but i failed. My feelings to him is real and i don't know how to erased that feeling. Not everyone in this world will understand what i really feel. You know, when you really loves someone, you'll know. It's okay if no one gets me, i understand. It is because you never feel like i do, so yeah, it's okay. And me and my ex always in touch. But not everyday. Because.. idk. Sometimes he started first and sometimes i started first. Maybe we misses each other lol idk. Well ofc i miss him but i never tell him because i don't want him to feel uncomfortable with me.
So yeah, and there's one night, we're on the phone. Like 3 hours. We talked. I told him that i want to be with him kalau boleh because i'm being myself when i'm with him. I want to have a marriage life with him. At first he was not so serious. And.. after that, he wanted us to make a deal. The deal was we can have a life as a couple but keep it silent. He doesn't want anyone to know about us. Because my another ex is his friend. One of his reason to keep it silent is because he doesn't want his friend to know about me and him because i just broke up with him. Lol, maybe some of you guys think that i'm a whore because i keep changing boys lol. It's ok if you called me that, but i'm not a whore, i'm just figuring the right thing to do with my life. And yep, i don't really trust him. Because ofc he cheated on me before so im not gonna go and trust everything he said. But i was happy.
The day after that, he told me that he miss me. And he called me. And we talked and he keep saying that he misses me. But my instinct saying that he wanted to take me for granted but idk if it is true or nah. So i asked him about it just now. And suddenly he asked me to forget everything he said to me earlier. Because he's not ready to make me happy and he's scared i'll get hurt if i'm with him. He asked me to keep my feelings to him until he gets a job and get a bright future. But he said that everything he said before was true. He said that he still loves me but he didn't show it. He acted like he didn't. He still has feelings for me. He still care for me, and i can see that. So now, we were just friends. And my life is almost ruined because of everything had happened to me. It hasn't ruined because my family still loves me. But if they don't, i'm done. Yes, i'm giving up.