Sunday 18 March 2018 @ 07:16
Hello.
So i would like to apologise because this content might get too emotional. First of all, i love my boyfriend so much because did you guys know the feel that when someone broke your heart and it took years to heal and that moment you wanted to feel okay, you wanted to be loved but deep down you're not ready to love someone or being loved. So you took your own time to fix yourself for the person who will be loved by you because you heart finally get to loved someone with all your heart again, do you know that feels? I swear, that feeling you'll get is the best feeling you ever felt. Because you finally get to be happy again. I don't want to lose him, seriously i don't want to lose him. Eventhough i already forgot how to love someone, i still try my best to be the best for him, but still he complained a lil on how i treated him, lol. I'm sorry. But we gave each other every chances we have to be the best for both of us. We wanted the best for both of us. Each day, we knew that we both have those flaws that not everyone could be okay with it.
But.. there's always a storm in our life. Which it makes me feel like "Should we still do this?" I started to feel confuse with our relationship.
I don't know why it is so haaaardddd for my family to accept who i wanted to share my life with. The only guy that my family ever liked is my ex when i was freakin 13 years old. We been together like for almost 4-5 years. A long-term relationship doesn't mean that we were meant to be together. Eventhough my ex is like the kindest man on earth, that doesn't mean that we are going to be together again. My family have to accept that my feelings for him has looooong gone. And i love someone else. They have to accept that and respect my decision. We can't control who we wanted to love or have feelings with. I mean, yes we can. What i really mean is, we can't ask someone to not love this one person just because you don't like that person. And because you prefer the past one. Life must go on. Okay, this post suppose to be sad but i think i'm feeling mad. HAHA, god, i'm sorry. I was expecting there's going to be tears or something, but i'm freakin mad right now. Not really mad, but i'm mad.
So, the thing is now, my family didn't like the new guy. So if i'm gonna go to a date with him, my mom probably won't let me go. So, i lied. Yes, i lied. I feel bad, because i don't really that always tells lie. Especially to my mom. The first one, she knew, busted! She saw him lol. So we fought for about few weeks. And then we're okay back again! And last night, i lied again because y'know.. and still i don't know how did my mom know that i went out with him. And she's mad. REALLY MAD. And now she put all the blame on him because she thinks that he's the one who asked me to lie and all that. Geez, all the lie things, is all on me. And now, she's kind of like tak restu. I'm so sad, really sad. My thoughts are killing me. I started to overthink. What if, something we don't want to happen, will happen? Like we have to leave each other? In my religion, if we don't get our parents' restu, bad things might happen. Yes. I'm afraid.
