November is coming!
Monday 23 October 2017 @ 07:05
Hello guys!
It's good to be back!
So... i was planning to make some changes in my life. Such as, i want to be independent. Yes. I grew up with my parents and they are really overprotective. I mean, if i told them i want to go out alone, they will be like "Hey it's dangerous there, you won't survive out there alone. I'll come with you ok?" To be honest, i don't mind if they care about me. I mean, not too much? I'm a grown up girl. Most of my friends are independent for your information. You know, i always get the name "manja" by my friends cause i sometimes depend on them with some of my work. But not all of them. I learnt how to make it done by myself because i believe in myself. But there was one time, i couldn't do something which it was a part of my activities from school, i cried. Because i couldn't do it. My friends started to worry. I told my mom that i wanted to give up. Actually that was when i'm at Melaka. We're having some kind of kursus i think. And then my mom texted a few of my friends. I appreciate what my mom did, but.. i don't want people to see me like i'm spoiled. Seriously. They will look down on me. Except for my close friends. They knew me well. But those who are not close with me, they'll say things that will make me feel like i'm not capable of doing anything. You know what i mean.
My last post was about my family, i believe. Guess what, Alhamdulillah. We are getting better. Thank goodness. I am so happy. We are happy. But we're facing with some problems but that's okay as long as we're happy. Yeah, cool.
And btw, few weeks ago, the guy who was in love me since last year and this year he dumped me because he met a new girl. He.. came back. He told me he couldn't get over me because the girl he used to date with has so much difference & he's not okay with it. So he apologized. I gave him a chance but i did not trust him. I used to think that he's kind of like a loyal person. But after what he did to me, i am no longer trust him. I just treat him like a friend but at the same time i knew that he has feelings for me. I told him that i already moved on and he have to steal my heart again, you know what i mean? And then yeah we tried to work things out. But then i think it's not happening. We failed. I mean i failed. Idk who's fault. But, yeah we didn't work out. Idk. If i get jealous, its not me who's controlling myself. I'll say mean words. Which i did. To him. And he took it very seriously. And he took off. Just like that.
At first, i thought i don't mind he leaving me. Because i know i never need him in my life. I also know that i never loved him. I only liked him. Day by day, i kept thinking about him. Before i go to sleep, i woke up. And i can't even sleep well. I also quiet often stalk his social media and he seemed fine without me. I also asked my friend to ask him about his feelings and he also seemed that he didn't need me anymore. He did say that he loves me. But the way he talked about me like he don't want me anymore. Idk. I gave him a long text. The reason i gave him is i wanted to apologize. But i am not sure did he get it or not because i'm afraid that he already blocked me on WhatsApp. So idk what is his feelings now towards me. I don't mind spending my time to move on. I'm used to it. But, i miss him. I never miss him this much. But i really miss him. I even felt guilty of what i said to him. And i want to do something that can make him forgive me, but idk. I'm focusing on my final year project which i have to present on this any day. And also i still don't get my intern place which that makes me soooo worried.
