Not everyone has a perfect family. The older i get, the more i understand that having a happy family is very important for our mental health. When i was younger, i have seen a lot of unwanted things happened in my family. But i believed that, every storms will have rainbow someday. I keep on praying to God to give me happy life like my friends had. But, its 2022, things haven't change a thing. My dad keep on being on his way, and mom keep on being like a God. Talking bad things about them makes me feel bad but because of them, i am who i am today. I earned my own money for my pocket money & buy school stuffs since i was 16. I worked as a part timer at a retail since they're the only place that accept students to work. Yes, since I was younger than 16, i already knew that my family had a financial problem and it is all because of my reckless father until today. But our financial become better this year, Alhamdullilah. But still, people never change unless they wanted to.

I have been searching for love since then. Switching boyfriends because i desperately wanted to feel loved by someone. I did not get love by my father. When i was little, my father always cheer me up, he spoiled me with everything he has. But, well, things changed. EVERYTHING CHANGED. I can't do anything to fix what's broken now as i am the victim in this family. My mental went so drained. Like i did not get all the love from him anymore, no one spoil me like he used to so when i started school, i go crazy about falling in love. But, i am not beautiful, i do not know how to be pretty at that young age so boys kept rejecting me since my appearance is not that attractive. Please don't judge me, i was just a child wanted to be loved, haha. But then, i learnt how to dress up and make up, i makeover myself to attract people. But i got into girls school later on. I started to go to mix school when i was 16 then BOOM, someone got a crush on me. I got love letters. TADAA! It works. But still i don't think i was looking good that moment. The important thing is, i get butterflies when someone tells me that they like me. I couldn't wait to be loved by that person. 

So i got a boyfriend and he loved me very well. Until, the second year we were together, he cheated on me, i got my heart really broken. I took years to heal myself and at the same time i was talking to other boys to fill the empty spaces in my heart but i warned them that i only wanted to be friends as i am still not ready to love someone yet. Before i got into mix school, i have this one boy (he's a man now), we fell in love so madly, he's a gentleman and very kind to me and also to my family. My mom of course loves him so much until i broke up with him. Because i got into mix school and got crazy. Lol. I broke his heart, and yes, my mom got mad because i left such a nice gentleman, but i don't give a fuck that moment as i am busy with my teenage life looking for fun in my new school. But karma is real, so i got my heart broken too by someone i loved (the one who cheated on me). So i spent my years healing, and until i finally ready to be in love again. But that time, i already finish my school/college. So i started to look for a permanent job because sis need to survive on her own. I went out with my gentleman ex. Actually i been going out with him since i was in college too.

But things got serious after i finish my college and after i graduate. Maybe, i am done looking for love from someone i didn't know, all this while, i knew and everybody knew that my ex still in love with me and wait for me to come back. But guys, he didn't make any move to me. (but i already know why) So then, i looked for him. I told him that i miss him. I ghosted him a lot before since i do not like him & i do not want him to think that we have a special connection eventhough i think we really do have one. So i texted him and told him i miss him and i realised bla bla bla. I've been searching for someone that can truly love me and accept me for who i really am, but all this while, it has been him. So we decided to try, built a new relationship together. Guys, i knew him since i was 11/12 years old. We are my space buddies lol! 

And until today, i am still with him. He really does love me with all his heart. We've been together since 2019. So far so good. Of course, we fight a lot but that is normal in every relationship. And also we broke up a lot since we are still learning to accept each other's flaws.. I am okay. He was there for me since day 1 i am in trouble. Literally day 1. Because whenever i am in trouble, i will call him and he will go to help me as fast as he can. That is what i love about him. He puts me first when i needed someone the most. But every relationship has their ups and downs. We learnt that everyone has their weaknesses and that's okay as long as we won't hurt each other. Women in relationship also needs to lower their ego and provide something for the relationship. Both needs to work together to make the relationship works. That's what make the relationship stronger and better. He's the only person until now loves me when no one else can. I love him very much. I wish nothing but the best for us bb.