Eighteen & Malaysian
Sunday, 12 February 2017 @ 05:58

Hello guys!

So today was kind of okay. I laughed a lot. My classmates made some stupid jokes because i know they tryna make me happy, well yeah they did it. So btw, i told you guys on my last post that i'm gonna tell you some good news. Well i guess, i'm gonna tell you in this post. So actually it is about my crush. I got a crush on him quiet long jugalah like 2 years? But i did not make any step to get him closer because he's just a crush of mine. And i also think that he's cute so he's probably got so many crush so i'm sure he won't pandang me all that. FYI that time pun i'm dating someone else, so why chasing someone you like while someone you loved ada depan mata. But that was 2 years ago, i'm not dating anyone right now. So after i broke up with my ex, i still got a crush on him. Btw, my crush is 1 year younger than me.. lol. But who cares? And then i'm dating someone else again because that time i was in a bad condition. Just broke up with someone i loved with all my heart & then i'm dating someone else just to forget him, but i failed and i was wrong. That is not the right way. So i left him because.. i seriously don't have feelings for him. So i gave him excuses. I'm so mean. Well yeah, that's the ugly truth. And then i'm not dating anyone till now. 

But hey, what i'm trying to tell is, my crush DM-ed me & asked for my number. I was shook! Yelah, siapa yg tak happy so then i gave him. Few days after that we were finally messaging. Things get happier after i told him that i got a crush on him and he does too! & then yeah. I am so happy. He made me happy like all girls ever wanted. The way he talked, the way he cares and all that. I swear he's cute. And then something happened. Maybe i rush things up & he seemed, dislike it? So things had changed between us. He explained everything and yes i was wrong, i ruined everything. If i didn't get jealous that one time, he won't acted this way because i'm nobody to him. I am also his crush. So yeah he do what he likes. And then yeah, i cried.. like i broke up for a second time. Idk what was i doing, i'm sorry. Everytime i tried to read our old conversation i started to cry again but there's a part i kind of asked him not to leave and tell him to stay with those sad faces & then he said something like "don't cry over some pathetic dude like me....  you're strong" and all that. Weh, he knew what he did & then he's being really what a man should do after break someone else's heart! Weh seriously he made me feel loved. Maybe i really did rush things between us, i'm not even ready for this yet and so did he. Because, love is really a serious thing at my age. But hey, i'm okay now.

I acted like that maybe it is because i've been hurt a lot at my past. I malas nak cerita what i've been through. Some of my friends knew. But i didn't share much on my blog because it's kind of personal, i'm sorry. And yes, i cried a lot over someone who didn't want me anymore i even begged him not to leave. Man, that's embaressing! But that was 2016 biatch. Things changed now, i'm trying to learn to let go (redha). So being that way, i won't feel so much hurt when people wanted to leave. And yes, as i'm getting older, real friends reaaallly hard to find. I apologized to my old bestfriend cause we're kind of having misunderstanding masatu. It was my fault because i was the one tak tegur dia at all! God, i am so mean, right? :( & then i texted her and say sorry all that stuff and thank goodness she forgives me. I missed her y'know. I shared everything to her because yes, she's the most understanding friend i ever had. Swear to god, i'm so regret of what i've did to her. Man, i am such a bad friend kan? But apa pun, thank god things went well now. 

My life is full of heartbreaks kan? Maybe it is because i hurt people a lot? Do you think that so too?

HELLO 2017
Tuesday, 7 February 2017 @ 04:51

Hello guys.

Ok sorry baru nak update sebab baru perasan new year ni i tak update apa apa. Lol so everything was okay. My life, family, friends.. Also i have lots of azam baru this 2017 & most of them i already did it. And also i focus on my studies now, no more malas malas like i used to. Because hey, this is my last year kan so i have to do my best. I also dah dapat my pointer for my last semester. Agak menurun. I used to get 3.6 and above but now i got 3.53 like that. But still, Alhamdulillah because last sem i did my best ( i didn't bring toyol *if you know what i mean* ) Oh yes, i bring toyol everytime ada exam but last sem i dah insaf and i bertekad nak usaha sendiri, so yeah, i did it yassss! But my pointer is not really tinggi. I was wondering maybe i could dapat platinum but... seems like takde rezeki. So i have a good news but im not gonna post about it today.. maybe someday, lol. So yeah, happy new year guys!

**** kinda busy im sorry i'll post panjang panjang later