Eighteen & Malaysian
Thursday, 27 July 2017 @ 04:52
depression, gif, and prettylittleliars image

Hi, hello!

Most of you guys probably gonna say that all my entries are all sad stories, breakups.. hahahaha! I'm sorry, you can go if you're not interested. Besides, i'm telling my story about my life in blog is because i don't want to let anyone that i know, knows what is i'm facing with and all that. Because i'm sure some of them will probably laugh at me or just "oh ok" you know. Because we don't know who is actually care of what is happening in our life. My friends? Oh i don't really trust them. That's why most of it, i told my mom or my sister. So for today's post i have two things to talk about. Family & friends. What's with family?

Oh yes. Everyone has a family. Well, i'm not gonna tell you guys what exactly is happening in my family because it is kind of personal you know. So.. my family is not like they used to be. I mean, we used to have dinner together, but now we don't. We used to laugh together, but we still do now but not like with the whole family. We used to have vacation together, now we don't. We used to trust each other, and sadly now we don't anymore. This topic is kinda emotional. And... i'm actually in tears right now. I wanna quit school so i can help my family to fix things. I miss us. Idk how to describe my feelings about this, but i really really miss us. My sister and i are not talking since months ago because i said things that hurt her. And i'm scared to apologise to her. Because she seems like she don't care. I miss my sister. I wanna talk to her so badly. 

And what about friends? Well, it happened just now. My friends and i went to eat lunch at KFC. At first, everything were just fine. We eat & talk as usual. Btw i met this one guy on tinder. It's an application for meeting someone online lol. I played it just for fun. And i don't even know how to use that application at first. So yeah. So i met him on last month but we just started talking on this month till now. We kinda have those feelings. But we haven't met! Because he's in singapore and i'm in jb. We're still trying to work things out. We don't rush things, don't worry. We know our limit. So i told my friends about him since the first time i talked to him. At first they're like "oh okay im happy for you". But then suddenly tetiba mcm "kenapa kau social sangat aku risau dkt kau doh". Um, excuse me? My mom knows who i'm friends with who i go out with who i talked to and all that. I don't keep secrets from my mom if it comes to my social life. 

My friend suddenly said that i bahaya lah too soon have feelings for someone. The way he said that seems like i don't deserve to have feelings. To feel. You guys know i have trouble for opening my heart to someone on this love thingy. And now, i'm ready about this. But then why can't they just support me and be happy for me? And one of my friend there also met his boyfriend on wechat. In fact, they're in the relationship before they actually see each other. I don't even mad at her for acting like that, in fact, i still support her eventhough i don't really like her ways. Baru kenal terus couple, then tgh couple baru kenal kenal. Same goes to me! But at least i don't have a relationship with him. Like i said, i know my limit! What i'm trying to say is, i'm very sad because my own fuckin best friend tak backup i langsung padahal she knows me kot! And she did the same thing like i did then why no one fucking judge her? Why me? Is not like i'm jealous or dengki sebab dia tak kena. I mean, you don't have to judge ppl's life if you don't know how they manage their fucking life. My mom knows everything about my social life. You as my friends don't have to be like so judgemental lah. You can tegur if i buat salah but this one seems like i can't even have feelings for anyone. I know what i'm doing and i know what i feels. You don't even feel anything my dear friend.